Monday, March 27, 2006

dusk in more ways than one


the woods appear fuller in late afternoon, the long shadows stretching into the field, now beaming fresh green with new spring growth. i followed the violet lines out of the shadows and into the light. it is still so cold. the last of the sun warmed through 3 layers but the wind found my ears and chilled my mind. i didn't turn back for a hat, the daylight fading so fast and my time short already. Instead i went down into the creekbed and pressed hard against the bank hiding from the wind. the waterfalls downstream filled the space with white noise and i was temporarilly lost in a fog of anxiety-laced second guessing. the divided heart makes for an unsettled way of being from which there is never any relief. I pretend i am a solider about to begin a 3 year tour, a mission to be gutted out, and then to return to the forest again, better able to take care of it.
trapped in "the stares" an image materializes as pattern in the very spot where my eyes have rested throughout the endless reviews of my choice. the 'coon has left a calling card reminiscent of kindergarten art projects; little hands pressed into wet media, dried and preserved on the muddy creek's shore. i follow them as far as i can until they disappear into the water. I remember last year's coon and wonder if it is the same individual. the one who came for corn at dusk, scattering late-feeding cardinals from the stump. he was fat and fine and still very wary of human interaction. good i thought, stay that way.

the first star blinked on and i pulled myself back up onto the bank. there was barely enough light to check and see if any new ferns had started yet. eyes and hands searched for little spirals; the fiddleheaded jewels of exotic salads. i heard a whiporwhil to the west as three crows passed over me in silence. i straightened and headed in toward an evening before the great brown God of propane.

4 Comments:

At 12:09 PM, Blogger Pete Bogs said...

beautiful...

btw, my seal hunt blog is updated with photos, but not all are so beautiful...

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Mr Q said...

Long time no write! It was worth the time for this picstory. I connected with the place through the trails of your words. Nice and relaxing as usual.

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger Aunty Belle said...

Oh, my sweet lil' chile...Aunty Belle gets what youse saying "dusk in more ways than one."

You wrote, "fog of anxiety-laced second guessing. the divided heart makes for an unsettled way of being from which there is never any relief. I pretend i am a solider about to begin a 3 year tour."

Well, puddin' what saves the soldier in his dangerous duty is discipline...you know? Bet youse a strong thang, able to hold that focus.

 
At 5:28 PM, Blogger Ben said...

Somehow I managed to never come to your place. Like it. I'll be back.

You know, I have been living on a farm for half a year now. Still love the city but would not want to move there anymore. At least not full time.

THNX for stopping by!

 

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